Tsubasa really is over, there won't be any more. It ended almost a month ago, but that fact didn't really sink in until this morning, when I instinctively checked OneManga for a new chapter, since some new xxxHolic chapters had come out recently. It took me until I saw the word "Epilogue" in front of the last chapter before I remembered that it was over, and there wouldn't BE any more updates.

...And... I just don't really know how to feel right now. I know that nobody likes it when a manga goes on for too long, and at 233 chapters it probably WAS Tsubasa's time to end, but still... I had just grown so attached to these characters (Fai and Kurogane in particular) seeing them grow and struggle and change, to grant their wishes at any cost, and the ending left them open for yet another journey, and it's only natural that I would want to see where it takes them.

I was hit by a wave of nostalgia, despite my time with the series being so short. I have fond memories of less than a year ago, and they feel so distant now, but still familiar and comforting. I remember waking up early on a snowy winter morning and curling up in my pajamas in front of the computer, to read Tsubasa while listening to the opening theme to the Tokyo Revelations OVA. I remember the joy I felt when I got Sofa into Tsubasa, that I'd have someone to share my obsession with. I remember feeling so strongly for these characters I'd grown attached to, Fai especially. A lot of the shit he went through nearly brought me to tears.

And now I'm expected to just... let all those feelings and memories dissipate over time, now that the thing tying me to them is over and done with? That kinda scares me. And now it seems most of the people I've shared this marvelous experience with have moved on. They've found new interests (and so have I, but Tsubasa still fills a HUGE portion of my heart) or in some cases just lost interest altogether. I feel bad for thinking this of them, of course, but I dunno, it's just kind of a lonely feeling I can't shake.

And as for the ending itself... I'm honestly harboring some anger towards that as well. I admit it, I honestly thought Kurogane and Fai would have been better off as the main characters. I love Sakura and Syaoran very much, don't get me wrong... but... I dunno. All of their character development had already been done in a previous series, and I just feel that when you look at things, they didn't change much at all. You knew from the very beginning that they had strong feelings for each other and that some way or another, everything would turn out okay for them.

Kurogane and Fai were different. They had enigmas, complexities, things that they gradually had to discover about themselves and each other as the series went on. We got to witness their development from a pair of mismatched and unfriendly (at least on Kurogane's part) strangers to two halves of a whole. They learned from each other how to live their lives and were able to heal some of the scars on each other's hearts. Fai was able to teach Kurogane the meaning of true strength, and Kurogane taught Fai to value his life. They gave each other someone to live for, rather than to tie themselves down to their previous hopeless wishes that would have only brought them further unhappiness.

So in short, I found Kurogane and Fai much more fascinating characters than Sakura and Syaoran, and much more interesting to watch change and develop. It was for this reason that I felt a bit miffed by the ending, which kept Syaoran and Sakura in the spotlight 90% of the time, and pushed Kurogane and Fai off to the side. Not only that, but their plans for the future seemed a little... distressing. Kurogane wanted to journey with the group for a bit longer, and then return to Nihon. Fair enough. But Fai... he was planning on travelling from world to world performing odd jobs with help from his magic and his cooking skills. I don't know precisely why, but that... feels a little out of place, don't you think?

Plus, that seemed to imply that Kurogane and Fai were planning on parting ways at some point, and their interactions themselves didn't seem meaningful anymore. They seemed to not give a rat's ass about each other anymore, and though their classic interaction of Fai's teasing and Kurogane's faux anger were still present, it just felt... kind of empty and meaningless. It all seemed like kind of a kick in the face to everything they had gone through and how they had changed. There was no acknowledgement of the fact that yes, they care deeply for each other and had changed each other's lives. It was kind of baffling, and though I know that officially confirming couples isn't typically CLAMP's thing, usually the undertones don't simply go away.

I'm just clinging to a couple thin threads of hope now, both for Tsubasa itself and for Kurogane and Fai: They said that on their new journey they would frequently find themselves at Yuuko's (or rather, now Watanuki's) shop, and xxxHolic is still running. So there's a possibility of the characters appearing in xxxHolic and perhaps tying up some loose ends. And of course, a sequel is always a distinct possibility. I wouldn't count on it, but the possibility stands.

And speaking of xxxHolic, some... interesting... things have been happening there lately. The evidence for DouWata is piling high, there's even one particularly controversial panel that implies they've been sleeping in the same bed. I'm quite pleased, because I love DouWata, but I'm also kinda... jealous, I guess? Because though I love DouWata, I love KuroFai more, and if I had to choose, I would have preferred to see KuroFai canonized instead.

So... wow, that was a lot of rambling. It felt good to get this all out, though you all probably think I'm crazy for being THIS obsessed. Whoever read this whole thing, treat yourself to some chocolate fondant!